


as you take what's left of you and i

by harrytomlinsonwhoops



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Infidelity, M/M, eleanor-centric, unintentional bearding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 22:59:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrytomlinsonwhoops/pseuds/harrytomlinsonwhoops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eleanor thinks that it’d be a lot easier if she could hate Harry. She sort of does, on some level, because Harry knows Louis better than she ever will even if she is the one who gets to hold his hand in public, and gets to kiss him whenever she wants. But- then again, she’s not stupid. Eleanor’s a smart girl. She knows true love when she sees it. And when Harry looks at her boyfriend, eyes sparkling, she can only think of the words <i>soul mates</i> and that’s something she’s never going to be able to give Louis, no matter how hard she tries.</p><p>(Oh, and boy does she try.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	as you take what's left of you and i

_he looks at you, the way that i would_  
_does all the things, i know that i could_  
_if only time, could just turn back_

*

the first time she get suspicious is after her fourth date with louis. he’s wearing pink shorts, and honestly, that should have been a clue in itself, but- that’s not what confuses her. no, what confuses her is that there’s a man with a camera, taking photos of her and louis, as they hold hands and walk through the park, and louis had _told her_ , had said one night, that he was sick of the flash of the cameras, and he wanted some privacy once in a while, and that it’d be nice to go out, for once, without his every move being constantly photographed.

so when he smiles directly at the man with the camera, and makes no move to avoid him, she starts thinking, and when she adds that up with louis checking his phone every ten minutes, mumbling something about waiting for a text from harry, something sort of clicks in her head, and she goes _oh_.

*

she’s surprised to find out that she’s not really surprised, at all. she wasn’t a fan of one direction before- their music was cute, and fun, but slightly immature, and not at all her taste- but after louis held her hand in public for the first time (while barely even _looking_ at her), she went home and she googled him, and on the first page of results, a link to that sugarscape website came up, and she clicked on it, and found out about larry stylinson.

she sat for a long time, pouring through images of louis, and harry, of _louisandharry_ , and she read through post, after post on that blogging website- tumbler?- calling her a home wrecker, abusing her, talking about her _obviously fake relationship._

 _i mean, god, if she honestly can’t see that louis just barley tolerates her existence, maybe she’s delusional, or something_ , she read, and she frowned. filed away that post for later, didn’t think of it until that tweet, the one about contracts and bearding, and, oh. _this_ is what it feels like to have thousands upon thousands of people hating you, just for existing.

and it’s hard, in a way, because she wasn’t in love with louis, not at all, nowhere near, but- he was sweet, and kind, and bought her pretty handbags and she could have grown to love him, really.

(she stays with him, though, because he needs someone, needs to pretend he’s straight, needs to hide away the relationship with harry, though honestly, she doesn’t even know if they’re in one, actually. she’s not even sure if _they_ know, in the end. she sees how hard it is for fans to believe he’s straight, even with a lovely, funny, _hot_ girl on his arm, so if she left, well.

she doesn’t leave, that’s the point.)

*

harry hates her, a bit. it’s pretty easy for her to pick up on. he’s just an immature seventeen year old boy though, and she looks down on him, in the way that she does. he’s constantly glaring at her, and always tearing louis’ attention away from her, on purpose, she thinks. she complains to louis that he’s annoying, and that she doesn’t particularly like his best friend anymore. tells her boyfriend she doesn’t want to see him with harry around anymore, so louis nods his head, mumbles an _okay, i understand,_ and then cuts their dates shorter and shorter until one time, he's home for a  _week_ and doesn't see her until the day he leaves to go back to america, and two weeks later there’s photos of him on twitter, with love bites on his neck, and she hasn't seen him in _two weeks_ , and she doesn’t leave them on his neck anyway, always fearful of making lou's job as makeup artist that much harder. she frowns, as she pours through the photos, and ignores louis' calls that night, responds to his messages in the morning with a _did you think i wouldn't see the photos?_.

(she smiles though, when he sends her a jacket that she's been eyeing for awhile now, a jacket she knows cost well over five hundred pounds and after she reads the note that says _not what you think.. please call, lou x_  she cuts back on her shifts at hollister.)

*

one time, louis flies her out to whatever country the band is in that week- they blur together after a while, and she’s stopped caring. doesn’t know if she ever really _started_ , to be honest- and they go shopping together, hit up a starbucks. they both wear jeans, and sunglasses to hide their eyes, because even though they both have beautiful eyes, they tell the truth, tell the world that they aren’t actually in love, never were. louis’ eyes shine brightly in the photos that pop up after she’s back in manchester, in her apartment with sana and portia. he’s next to harry in nearly all of them, so. that explains it, really. she tweets him, later, saying simply ‘i love you.’ frowns when he tweets back ‘you too xxx’

(next week, sana comes home with a confused, but happy smile on her face, saying that the rent on their apartment has been paid in full for two months, by an anonymous person, and that there was a note, addressed for eleanor.

_hope this helps a bit. x_

she doesn’t thank him. he doesn’t deserve it.)

*

she hears him and harry one time. they’ve just spent the day at niagara falls, where they were photographed wearing silly little raincoats, and louis had stayed away from harry for the entire day, barley looked at him, not even once and- she loves him, a little bit, that day. he holds her hand tighter than usual, and smiles more. and if his eyes don't crinkle when he looks at her, well. she simply doesn't take notice. but then- then they go back to their hotel, and harry and louis are sharing a room- like always, apparently- so she bunks in with them, shares lou’s bed.

it’s three am when she feels him get up, and leave their bed. she hears him get into harry’s bed, not far away.

“i’m sorry,” her boyfriend whispers, and she hears harry sigh.

“you’re always sorry,” harry replies, barely even bothering to lower his voice in consideration of her (but she never considered him, when she came in, and became louis’ girlfriend, so it’s fair, in a way).

louis is silent for a minute. “i love you harry, you know that.”

harry’s tone is bitter when he replies. “do i? really lou? because it seems like you’re in love with _her_. at least, that’s what you’ve been telling everybody.”

“harry, _don’t_ ,” louis warns. “i would do anything for you, _anything_ h, and you _know_ that, alright?”

“i don’t think i do,” harry replies, his voice small, and eleanor’s heart hurts for him, a bit (hurts for herself even more though).

“i would do anything for you harry. i would swim across oceans, and- and move _entire mountains_ for you. i just-”

“- don’t want anybody else to know that,” harry supplies.

“yeah,” louis whispers. “but i would. i need you to know that. i would do anything for you.”

“love you lou,” harry mumbles, and she hears him shuffling around in his- _their_ bed.

“i love you too harry,” louis responds, and- there’s the sound of lips meeting, and a small breathless moan that falls from someone’s lips (she can’t even tell _whose_ , because louis never moans for her, never acts as though he’s enjoying it).

eleanor scrunches up into the smallest ball she can, and shuts her eyes tight. tries not to think of what’s happening in the bed so close to her.

(fails)

*

she tries to break up with him one time, after the _much music_ interview. it’s obvious he doesn’t love her, not even a little bit (maybe he never did, and _that_ ’ _s_ the hardest part for her to face), and it’s even more obvious that harry loves her boyfriend, a _lot_.

“i just can’t deal with the hate anymore lou,” she lies- though, it’s not _really_ a lie. she is sick of it, honestly. “i can’t do anything _fun_ without having an army of fans abuse me, and call me a slut and say i’m ugly, and-”

“but you’re _not_ a slut, and you’re _not_ ugly!” louis protests, eyes wide, and fearful (she tries to tell herself that he looks this way because he’s terrified she’ll break up with him, because maybe, just maybe, he actually likes her, at least a bit, but- it doesn’t work like that). “look, i’ll tweet something, tell everyone to shut up, and leave you alone, tell them i love you and that nothing they say can change it, and-”

“shut up,” she spits out. “you don’t _love_ me louis, don’t be ridiculous.”

louis looks scared, and just like the eighteen year old boy who sang _hey there delilah,_ at his audition. he looks a lot like the boy she thought she fell in love with, if she's honest about it.

“i’m not being ridiculous,” he protests feebly, but they both know he’s lying. “okay, so maybe- maybe it’s not love, not just yet, but- please eleanor, _please_ don’t leave me, i’ll do anything,” he begs, and she sighs, eyes sparkling with tears.

“okay,” she agrees, her voice small, and timid. “anything for you.”

(really. _anything_.)

*

ella thinks she’s being stupid.

“i don’t care how lovely he is el, he’s _hurting_ you, and the worst part is, you’re _letting_ him,” she tells her, one time, over coffee.

“i love him,” eleanor responds weakly. “he’s my boyfriend, and i love him,” she says, her voice growing stronger. at this point, she doesn’t even know who she’s tried to convince more- ella, or herself.

“but does he love you?” ella snaps. tears well up in eleanor’s eyes, and ella’s frown melts.

“i-” eleanor whispers, before her throat closes up.

“i’m sorry sweetie, i didn’t mean that, of course he loves you,” ella comforts, rubbing her back soothingly. “how could he not love you? you’re pretty and smart and funny and _of course_ he loves you.”

eleanor wipes her eyes, and nods.

of course.

*

everyone loves danielle, that much is obvious.

liam worships the ground his girlfriend walks on, and danielle tells eleanor that she thinks he’s going to propose, in 2012, maybe. she sounds certain of liam’s love for her, and eleanor envy’s her. niall and zayn and harry and louis love her too. they’re always texting her, and tweeting her, and they all hang out as one big group when they’re together, and they actually _talk_ to her.

the fans love her too. she may not have as many blogs or twitters dedicated to her as eleanor herself does, but they do love her more. it’s just a fact. she gets less hate than any other girlfriend, or girl who’s just a friend. her boyfriend doesn’t get accused of being gay, and secretly dating his best friend every day. she doesn’t get told she’s a beard (and a terrible one at that).

everybody loves danielle more than eleanor, that much is just a fact.

(even her own boyfriend. _ouch_.)

*

when louis tells her, she laughs in his face.

“the thing is, i’ve been with harry, since, basically, since about x factor, really, and, it was wrong of me, i know, i shouldn’t have done that, but i did love you el, in my own way, but it’s just that harry- he’s my forever, i think, and, i’m sorry, im so so sorry eleanor, i should have told you, i shouldn’t have lied to you, but i was just so scared, so fucking scared,” louis confesses, and she laughs loudly, and she’s bitter, ever so bitter, but her mother raised her better than this, didn’t she? so she turns her laughter into a delicate cough, and smile sweetly at _her boyfriend_.

“it’s okay,” she promises. “it’ll all be okay.”

louis sobs though, cries his pretty little heart out, because he feels guilty, generally guilty because he hurt her, because he loves her, at least a little bit, don’t you know?

*

he broke her heart, and he’ll always be the first one who did that, the first person she actually fell in love with, despite the fact that she _knew_ he didn’t really love her, despite the fact that she _promised_ herself this wouldn’t happened. but, despite everything, it _did_ happen. she _did_ fall in love with him, and he _did_ break her heart. she won’t cry though, because pretty girls don’t cry, don’t you know?

*

she’d do anything for him, is the thing. she loves him, even if she didn’t, at first, back when he was easy and uncomplicated. but, well. she’d always had a knack for falling for guys she couldn’t have. but with louis, it was different, because she _could_ have him, even if it was only for a little while.

“i love you,” she tells him one time, when they’re out shopping. there’s a few fans gathered around them, so louis looks down at her, and smiles.

“love you too,” he says, kissing her cheek softly. she pretends that she doesn’t notice the way his eyes don’t crinkle, yet again.

*

they fight one night, when they’ve come home from the olympics. she’s just seen the photos on twitter- they actually looks kind of happy. like a real couple, even.

“photos turned out well,” louis says, coming up behind her. eleanor barley looks up from her laptop.

“yeah,” she nods. “guess so.”

“what’s wrong?” louis questions, frowning.

“i could have really loved you,” she admits quietly. “sometimes i forget this isn’t real,” she continues, gesturing to the photo on her screen, the one of them kissing.

“me too,” louis agrees, biting his lip.

“it would have been easier if you loved me,” she tells him.

“i know,” louis responds.

they’re silent for a few minutes, until eleanor closes her laptop, and looks up at him. “i’m scared,” she tells him.

louis’ eyes crinkle in confusion. “why?”

“because- i know that at any moment now, you could rip my heart out, and step on it, and i’d just pick it up, and hand it right back to you,” she tells him.

louis sighs. “i thought i already ripped your heart out?” he responds, and he looks tired, and his eyes are searching the table for his phone, and eleanor frowns, and stands up.

“you did,” she snaps, before storming off.

*

france is a nice holiday for her. louis’ sisters adore her, and it’s nice being around someone- even if the someone’s are identical little girls- who actually like her, and aren’t just tolerating her, like louis, and lottie and jay.

“jealousy isn’t a pretty colour on you eleanor,” louis tells her one night after his sisters have gone to bed. he’s barley even looking up from his phone.

“i’m not _jealous_ ,” she spits out, and louis scoffs. “i’m not,” she repeats.  “i just- i want everything _he’s_ got. you look at him so amazed, and i remember way back when you looked at me that way.”

louis sighs, and opens his mouth to apologise, before shutting it. “i’m going to bed,” he says a moment later, and eleanor nods, blinks away the tears. “night el,” he says, kissing her cheek.

“night louis,” she murmurs, watching him until he walks away.

being in nice wasn’t actually as nice as she thought it would be.

*

she breaks up with him, one time. starts screaming about how he never pays attention to her anymore, not even when it’s just her, and him, and harry’s not even _there_ (but he’s always there, is the thing. he’s in the words left unsaid, he’s in the thought’s louis and eleanor are both too afraid to put into words. he’s always there, and she can’t get away from him, _ever_ ).

“i’m _sick_ of this,” she screams, pulling a jumper on. it’s not her’s, so it’s probably louis’. though, then again, that means it’s probably harry’s.

“and you don’t think _i_ am?” louis yells back, and, _oh_. he looks angry, and sad, and scared, and eleanor never thought it’d be this hard when she first met him.

“frankly, i don’t give a shit if you are, because if i left, you’d still have  your perfect little boyfriend, and you’d still have your perfect little life, and i’d be left with _nothing_ , louis. _nothing_ , don’t you get that?”

louis frowns, and eleanor lets a tear fall from her eyes. “whatever,” she says, before she storms out.

*

she takes him back a week later, when he ends up in front of her door, smelling like whiskey, and harry, holding chocolates, and jewellery.

“i love you,” he tells her, and she scoffs, but takes the gifts anyway, and lets him inside.

(she doesn’t say it back.)

*

 _if he's the reason that you're leaving me tonight,_  
_spare me what you're thinking,  
tell me a lie._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading. i would truly love it if any of you could spare the time to watch this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEUumIaxM9M&app=desktop), and then consider sharing it or donating to [this cause](http://prf.donorpages.com/TeamEnzoFundraising/CatherinaLlontop/). a little boy that i know was diagnosed with a life-threatening disease called progeria. this disease causes him to age at rapid rates, and children who suffer from this have a life expectancy of only 15 years. enzo is currently the only child with this disease in the entirety of australia, and he and his family would appreciate any awareness you could raise or any funds you can spare. if you're unable to financially help, please consider even sharing the video so maybe it will reach someone who is able to. again, thank you for reading.
> 
> as usual, find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/slytherinlarry_) and [tumblr](http://slytherin-larrie.tumblr.com).


End file.
